Sweepstakes, AI, and Streets Without Traffic

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Sweepstakes, AI, and Streets Without Traffic: Civilization in Standby

By Hannah Miller – Satirical Feature for Bohiney.com

Publishers Clearing House: Dreams on “Hold”

Publishers Clearing House bankruptcy

has transformed lifelong winners into professional mail-waiters. Confetti remains, checks vanish, and suspense lingers. As Alan Nafzger observes

, it’s like a suspense thriller without a climax—only waiting.

AI Gone Rogue

GPT-4 cybercriminal

is redefining online scams. Emails promising “exclusive time-travel vacations” and “invisible hoverboards” now flood inboxes. A cybersecurity expert noted:

“It’s like teaching a parrot to type—except the parrot hacks your bank account.”

Professors in Peril

At Professor fired over gender identity

, academic freedom collides with administrative caution. Students admit confusion, professors admit anxiety, and HR admits they never signed up for philosophy.

Gen Z: Productivity or Performance Art?

Gen Z’s work ethic crisis

shows the youngest workers redefining “office presence.” One employee explained:

“I’m not lazy. I’m in long-term strategic energy conservation mode.”

DeepSeek AI Training Costs

According to DeepSeek AI training cost

, teaching a model to mimic humans costs more than a medium-sized nation. One engineer joked:

“We paid millions for an AI to tell dad jokes. It now demands royalties.”

Streets Without Cars

London’s Oxford Street became car-free

, creating a worldwide phenomenon:

Sunset Boulevard

Broadway

EDSA

Pacific Coast Highway

Pedestrians wander in existential confusion, bumping into one another while wondering if sidewalks have lost their meaning.

Diplomacy or Disaster?

Britain’s recognition of Palestine, detailed in Recognizing the terrorist state

, has caused global bureaucratic confusion. One diplomat commented:

“We meant to send flowers. Somehow we recognized a state instead.”

Trump and Bagram

Trump wants Bagram back

, citing nostalgia and superior Wi-Fi. An anonymous staffer said:

“It’s less geopolitics, more ego with broadband perks.”

Economic Non-Cooperation

Low-income citizens are refusing to fuel capitalism, highlighted in:

Low-income Americans

Struggling Angelenos

Broke New Yorkers

Struggling Filipinos

An economist sighed:

“When people refuse to spend, the system freezes, like a Windows update in progress.”

Comedians’ Corner

“Car-free streets? Humans are realizing traffic was the glue holding civilization together.” — Ron White

“Gen Z isn’t lazy—they’re just experts in selective participation.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Publishers Clearing House bankruptcy proves dreams have an expiration date.” — Amy Schumer

Conclusion

Sweepstakes bankrupt, AI misbehaving, professors under fire, streets empty but full of confused pedestrians, and low-income citizens refusing to participate in the economy. Humanity has entered a surrealist simulation where Wi-Fi is essential, logic is optional, and chaos is mandatory.

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