Australian Drone Mistaken for Mythical Tikbalang

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Australian Drone Mistaken for Mythical Tikbalang, Filipino Farmers Offer Tobacco and Apology

By Waverly Faith for Bohiney Magazine

Inspired by military surrealism at COASTLINE — A routine military surveillance flight during Exercise ALON 2025 took a mystical turn when a group of local farmers mistook an Australian drone for a Tikbalang, a half-horse, half-human forest creature from Filipino folklore, and promptly performed a centuries-old ritual to appease it — including offering two sticks of unlit tobacco, one egg, and a heartfelt apology letter scribbled on banana leaf.

“It had wings. It flew low. It buzzed angrily. What else could it be but a Tikbalang looking for trouble?” explained Lolo Ernesto de los Santos, age 77, who led the impromptu ceremony.

Tactical Surveillance Meets Ancestral Trauma

The drone — model MQ-23A “Wasabi Wasp” — was launched by Australian forces to provide aerial reconnaissance. But it hovered too low over a rural barangay, triggering a chain reaction of spiritual defense protocols.

“You have to understand,” said anthropologist Dr. Aurora Balagtas, “Filipinos may accept foreign militaries in our waters, but mythical horse spirits? That’s a red line.”

Eyewitness: “We Apologized So It Wouldn’t Curse Our Cabbage”

Bebang Dominguez, a 53-year-old tobacco farmer and Tikbalang-believer, described the moment of terror:

“It hissed above the cornfield like an angry electric mosquito. We knew we had two options: run or honor the spirit with tobacco. We chose peace.”

The farmers knelt in formation, lit candles, and whispered, “We do not mean harm. Please take these filtered sticks as a token of our respect.”

Meanwhile, the drone continued its scheduled sweep, unaware of the cross-cultural diplomacy unfolding below.

What the Funny People Are Saying

“You know it’s bad when drones need to carry apology baskets and ID cards that say, ‘Not a monster.’” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Australia’s army is out here deploying drones. The Philippines is deploying generational trauma.” — Ron White

“The U.S. has stealth bombers. The Philippines has spiritual airspace.” — Sarah Silverman

“Every Filipino grandmother now thinks drones are shape-shifting Tikbalangs. And I love it.” — Trevor Noah

Anonymous Staffer Memo

An internal memo from the Australian Defense Force noted:

“Drone mission failed due to unexpected religious interference.”

“Locals threw eggs. Unsure if hostile or ceremonial.”

“Recommend higher altitude or culturally sensitive drone paint schemes.”

The Australian ambassador later issued a statement:

“We deeply respect local beliefs and apologize for any perceived spiritual intimidation.”

Satirical Poll: “Should Drones Be Blessed Before Deployment?”

Conducted by Bohiney Magazine with 1,200 respondents in Northern Luzon:

64%: Yes, especially near banana groves

24%: Only if flying at night

12%: We prefer our monsters analog, not aerial

Spiritual Warfare: The Next Battlefield?

According to folklorist Dr. Rafael Ocampo:

“If you invade Filipino airspace, you’re also invading the spirit world. That drone may have dodged radar, but it triggered ancestral algorithms. That’s real power.”

The Philippine military is now considering adding mythological advisors to all field ops in rural zones. “We need Tikbalang liaisons,” said one defense official.

Satirical Sources (All titles link to Drone Mistaken for Sky Demon, Given Tobacco and Respect

Tikbalang Allegedly Sighted, Drone Allegedly Confused

Village Holds Drone Captive in Spirit Cage Until Priest Confirms It’s Not Cursed

Ritual Mistaken for Terrorist Activity, Ends with Group Hug

UN Confirms Mythological Misunderstandings Now Outnumber Actual Border Conflicts

Final Punchline

The drone eventually returned to base with several bundles of dried tobacco leaves stuck in its undercarriage. Australian technicians reported no damage, but noted a lingering “smell of reconciliation.”

In response, Filipino troops have requested that all future drones announce themselves with prerecorded greetings in Tagalog:

“Hello, I am not a spirit. Please do not offer me eggs.”

Disclaimer: This article was created by two thoroughly human storytellers — one raised in the shadow of Mt. Banahaw, the other allergic to drones but not myths. No AI has ever been blessed with tobacco or mistaken for a demonic horse.

Auf Wiedersehen.